Covid-19 is a traumatic event. Here’s how to understand what you’re going through.

In the time since I wrote about the challenges and possibilities of self-isolating, the effects of the COVID-19 pandemic have been moving quickly into all aspects of public and private life, with many of us starting to realise we are embarking on a unique period in history. It seems likely that some of the changes being forced on us now will open things up in the future in unforeseeable ways, but for now it’s all quite a shock, for people and business.

This flow of rapid, unanticipated events we are experiencing is called traumatic change. Calling this a trauma might surprise you: all many of you have experienced so far is a toilet-paper shortage and working from home. But it is a trauma. A trauma that may get worse or better, but that represents a profound change to normal life.

The good news is that as an industry the mental health profession understands trauma very well, and can provide you with tools to manage its effects. In this article, I’m setting out the framework we’re going to move through, individually and in groups. You can apply this to your own life, but also to understand others around us, at home and at work, to better support others on their journey. 

In the longer term, this sort of change is often the catalyst for transformative growth — but it is the hardest type of change to undergo, with mental health and wellbeing very often affected to some degree.

As a therapist, one of my jobs is to help people notice how they’re adjusting to traumatic change: the loss of a loved one, a difficult past event.

One of the things which makes a situation like the pandemic difficult to manage is that you will be processing two different types of responses at the same time: an individual response (how you yourself are thinking and feeling) and group responses from your various networks (co-workers, your business as a whole; your friends, family and loved ones; society). 

Your instinct will be to want the responses of these different people to line up with your own. Where they don’t line up, you will find the differences stressful. 

Often, inevitably, people around you will have a quite different frame of mind and you might want to either withhold a contradictory view or fall in line with the rest of the group — I often hear this called putting on a brave face. Both of these reactions can have a poor effect on mental health, as well as the group’s ability to find solutions. 

In the most stressful situations this inability to integrate different reactions to traumatic change causes effective group functions to break down entirely. 

This is a particular shame when we accept that taking in and processing a range of responses is not only normal but desirable, although the different responses you encounter will also require different strategies of communication. 

The five stages of managing traumatic change typically unfold over a period of months: what we will be experiencing over the next few weeks of the pandemic will mainly be Stage One: Shock, where the major phases are excitement and numbness. 

However, experience also suggests that something like this five-stage process is also going on at the micro-level from day to day.  

Fortunately, these stages pass, especially when it is possible to discuss them in a non-judgemental environment. For some people that will be with a professional therapist, but there are lots of things we can all do to help each other minimise anxiety. 

In Stage One, you will experience phases of both excitement and numbness, as well as physical symptoms. This can be a very powerful time in terms of ideas and ability to put things into action, but you are likely to be more impulsive than normal and you are also more likely to become exhausted and overwhelmed. Bear in mind these are normal aspects of the change response. 

You will find some aspects of these two phases more challenging than others, especially if they are unfamiliar to you. In a serious trauma, which for some, perhaps many people this will be, Stage One tends to be the dominant experience of the first four to six weeks. 

One important thing to bear in mind in this stage is the likelihood of people around you being either more excited and energetic than normal, or being unusually disinterested and withdrawn. Try to resist the temptation to speed them up or slow them down according to how you’re feeling. You will be tempted to feel like they are bothering you or spoiling your mood. 

As you reach out to people, you are definitely going to spend some of the next few weeks doing and saying the wrong thing. If you don’t feel like that occasionally, you are probably not interacting with your networks enough. 

Stage Two will be about change avoidance. Fundamental change is costly, and we avoid it where we can. Some will find they are able to remain in this stage for a long time, leaving the change which has occured unresolved. 

In your response to COVID-19, you will want to put solutions in place as quickly as possible which alleviate your experiences of Stage One. There is a lot of interplay between Stage One and Stage Two, especially if you have significant responsibilities in your different networks. 

Returning quickly to a functional state of operation is a good thing, however our initial solutions are unlikely to acknowledge the deeper aspects of change which will be necessary later: this is the major source of anxiety in Stage Two. 

For some, this honeymoon period will be effective and enjoyable. You may experience the solutions of others as denial, and vice-versa. 

At this point the mismatches between your personal, business and social responses will also be a source of strain. As with Stage One, it will be crucial to keep a space where these separate reactions can be thought about with a degree of curiosity, humour and respect. 

In Stage Three there is the acknowledgement of deeper problems in those early fixes. You will be reaching a point where you and your networks are more able to cope with addressing the task of more fundamental change management. Problems with your initial solutions will start to seem larger and you will experience more uncertainty. 

At this point you will have periods where you doubt yourself and those around you. At this stage, secure adjustment to the change is closer but this is also the time when you are most likely to feel depressed and without confidence. This is a point at which anxiety and withdrawal from discussion can have a particularly damaging effect on both personal relationships and teams. 

Stage Four involves a confrontation with the original crisis. You are now certain you need a fundamentally new approach which lies outside of your current mindset or network. Very few people enjoy this stage but it is a catalyst for progress. Because we don’t like doing it, this stage is also the most short-lived: if you notice you’re in it, it is probably about to end. 

In Stage Five, you have engaged on a significant level with the original crisis and you will find you are able to accept fundamental change, test solutions which do not rely on the way things were before and undergo repair. You may also realise your current resources and those of your networks are insufficient to address the original crisis and you will ‘crash’, experiencing a more profound loss of energy, confidence and purpose: although this is a normal part of the cycle of repair, it is also the place where people tend to feel burned out. People who carry out repair most effectively have others they know they can rely on to help mitigate this stage. 

It is important to seek help if you crash. Some will want to engage help earlier in the process. Others won’t need it at all. What’s important is there are lots of options for outside assistance if you need it; many find this is a point at which friends and colleagues demonstrate unexpected capacity for advice and support. This is also what therapists are for. You might be surprised how helpful it is to be listened to by a confidential, professional ear. 

Solutions based on acknowledgment and survival of a genuine, deep confrontation with traumatic change are those of highest value to personal and professional development. These are the stories you’ll often find you want to share in interviews and presentations.

There’s one more thing I want you to take away from all this: these are just stages we go through, and they don’t last forever. 

ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED ON LINKEDIN, MARCH 18, 2020