Corona on the couch: the mental health challenges and opportunities of self-isolating
In the last few days, as government policy has moved from containing the covid-19 outbreak, to delaying its spread, many of us have gone from joking about self-isolating to thinking through the daunting practicalities. Introvert memes, excited by the prospect, are being shared on social media, while for extraverts, isolation can be a source of worry in and of itself. Several of the people who see me for therapy have raised this, talking about how they will feel working from home, not seeing friends, family and colleagues, and how that will affect their health - physical and mental.
No matter what happens, this need not be a problem for our mental well-being, but as with our physical wellbeing, there are things we can do now to prepare.
Periods of isolation remind us that we actually have a lot of responsibility for our actions. This can be quite alarming at first but: it’s true! Faced with an extended period at home, finally you can reclaim your space. This has a massive effect on mental health. It will also be the chance to complete that project you’ve been putting off. Make a plan, find those post-its, dust off that whiteboard! A room of one’s own is the perfect place to realise a project.
Contrary to what you might imagine, a period of isolation is actually also the time to reconnect with people. I’m talking about reclaiming genuine, deep connections with friends and family: if you have video chat, email or (deep breaths) a telephone, being stuck at home could actually mean you’re more connected than you have been in years.
As a psychotherapist I’m finding people are much more willing to have sessions over skype now than they might have been in the past — rather than an awkward barrier it’s just a normal part of our lives — and the key here is regular long-form engagement with the same person (I want to talk to you for 50 minutes not five… it passes surprisingly quickly).
If you’re struggling with being stuck at home, think about buddying up with someone and just keep the video going in the background. Those of you with the cutest pets may be of particular service at this difficult time. Having a realtime connection with someone is surprisingly uplifting. But yes, you will have to tell them to shush now and then.
There are three main strategies for getting through periods like this: First, having something that really absorbs your interest. Second, planning and logging. Third, staying engaged with people, nature and your thoughts.
These are what have always got people through extended periods of isolation (it makes me think of Terry Waite; Ellen MacArthur; the ancient tradition of hermits of different kinds...when Sister Wendy was asked what the other nuns thought of her leaving the silence of her convent to go off and make art programmes round the world she said: they felt sorry for me).
You also have to admit that yes, talking to yourself is nothing alarming; you are probably stranger than you thought. The chances of your being an axe murderer in waiting are actually pretty low, I promise.
It’s also going to be quite a difficult time for some people. One of the really useful things in a period alone is having a routine, but some people will find it harder to avoid patterns that have been a problem for them in the past. Of course you could think of it like a holiday or a long weekend at home: you’re drinking more than normal, smoking too much, you’re in a baking spiral and you’re going to put on a bit of weight. It’s not forever. Think of it as a temporary overdraft.
It’s normal to be anxious about boredom but it’s worth thinking about why, perhaps having a conversation or making a list about the things you’re putting off. But for some people time alone feels like being stuck with their worst enemy, or takes them back to a dark time in their lives when they were isolated by friends or family, or cut off from themselves and the world.
It’s important to stay connected and curious when you hear these things being raised by your friends - I think often when these conversations threaten being boring or oppressive (oh not that again!) it’s because you’re being spared the examples.
It’s not for no reason some of the most popular Netflix series are stories about bullying and abuse: it’s a peculiar idea that has taken hold that people talking candidly about their feelings and how they are experiencing other people are boring, in my experience nothing could be further from the truth (and it makes them feel better!). One great opportunity produced by rare events like Corona is things come to the surface, prompting people to seek help.
But the most common hazards of isolation are feeling disconnected and disempowered. It's really grim when this takes hold and most people will have days of feeling like this (especially when the weather is this bad).
Fortunately there is a lot we can do about this to remember these dos and don'ts:
Do...
Plan
Define your space
Set some time to be creative
Check in with others
Notice what's bothering you
Don't...
Overpolice yourself
Ignore anxiety
Turn "inwards"
Define yourself by other people
Fall off the map
ORIGINALLY PUBLISHED ON LINKEDIN, 5 MARCH 2020